Fruit of the Loom

Ann Marie’s mom died.  She’s the first person I know who has done it.  At her funeral mass we knelt, then stood, then knelt, then stood, then did the hokey-pokey and turned ourselves around.  Expressing your faith with reverence, chants, and synchronized choreography – that’s what it’s all about.  My dad told me Catholics aren’t… Continue reading Fruit of the Loom

The Grapes of Meth

Before California, my mom and I lived in a trailer. We weren’t trailer trash. To be considered trailer trash you need a double-wide that rests on cinder blocks in a trailer park.  We didn’t participate in opulence.  We had one of those small, oval, hitch trailers that looks like a giant snail stopping to catch… Continue reading The Grapes of Meth

Miss. Linda’s Inspirational Galloping Breasts

I like to tell people I go to a “private” (with air-quotes) school- always with air-quotes.  It makes me feel pretentious and rich.  I’m not rich and not sure how the tuition is covered. I assume, now, it was a combination of my dad’s expanding, born-again ideology, my mom’s concern for my literacy and some… Continue reading Miss. Linda’s Inspirational Galloping Breasts

Ryan’s Mom Smiles

Ryan’s mom smiles as she drives us to school; blond, energetic, and crazy-faced. It could be a normal, pretty, mom-face, but when it smiles it ages and goes bonkers.  The mouth opens and exposes her small white teeth and her wet tongue. What it does to her eyes, though, is fascinating.  They get wide and… Continue reading Ryan’s Mom Smiles

You’re Saying Sh** Wrong

 Last year I was in the first grade and I get to do it again!  Mrs. Mitchell likes me so much, she asked me back again this year.  I have a way with people.  I love the first grade. 8:30 – Give a high-five to the crosswalk lady, great Mrs. Mitchel with a hug, flirt… Continue reading You’re Saying Sh** Wrong

Jesus Seems Troubled

Hector lives the next block over; he is my Mexican friend.  I recommend it.  Going to another kid’s house feels exotic, like jet setters who visit multiple countries when touring Europe.  You partake and note the local customs, music, and food.  “Oh, you call this room a den, where I come from, we call it… Continue reading Jesus Seems Troubled

Stretch Armstrong, Tube Sock Monkeys and Rick

Anyone alive in the 70s will remember stuffed monkeys made from tube socks, roach clips decorated with feathers, and stained-glass windows featuring doves.  We had all these, along with crocheted jump suits with rainbows on the chest I naively wore. Supporting a growing family by selling pottery isn’t easy.  Our house is filled with items… Continue reading Stretch Armstrong, Tube Sock Monkeys and Rick

Sexy at Six and Seven

I am the hottest guy in my first-grade class.  Fashion model hot. Put me on a Toys Are Us magazine playing with Legos or on a Mickey Mouse Hoppity-Hop and they will run out of stock.  I’m not just sexy, but confident - a confidence that isn’t tempered by modesty.  I smile at the teachers.… Continue reading Sexy at Six and Seven